What If You Didn't Have to Carry It All?

This week, a friend of mine said, “I don’t know how you do it all and stay calm.”

It made me smile. She was right. I was calm.

Not so long ago, I would have been completely overwhelmed by the week I’ve just had: hospital appointments, the funeral of a much-loved family member, supporting my daughter with her own challenging circumstances, a bathroom renovation, preparing a workshop, growing my business and trying to launch a new campaign. On paper, it has been one of those weeks that would challenge a team of people, let alone a single mum in a new town with nothing familiar around her.

Now, it’s fair to say there were moments — brief glimpses of the old pattern of fear and overwhelm I used to run. But they were fleeting, and I didn’t stay there. Because I’ve practised the art of living life in “Through Me” for long enough now for it to become part of who I am.

Three years ago, I learned a concept that completely changed how I relate to and respond to stressful events, responsibility and burnout.

We can experience our lives in different states. The state of By Me is where many capable women spend most of their lives. It’s where achiever mode kicks in and Superwoman steps into action. We work hard to make sure everything is done, on time, brilliantly, 'by me', because it’s down to me to get it all done. The outcome matters, and I need to make it happen.

At first glance, that sounds admirable. In many ways, it is. It creates successful careers, thriving businesses, organised households and women who can be relied upon.

But it also creates exhaustion, the absence of joy, (burnout) and self-abandonment.

It’s not just about having too much on our plate, although life throws curveballs and sometimes we do have way more than our fair share to contend with. It’s more about how we carry the emotional weight of everything as well. We can become over-responsible and attached to the need for control because control feels safe. We tell ourselves that if we can just stay on top of everything, anticipate every problem and work hard enough, life will finally feel manageable. And rather than doing less, we do more to ‘get things done’ and it becomes a vicious cycle.

When we live more in Through Me, everything changes — and this is exactly the kind of shift we explore in The Breakthrough Sessions. This doesn’t mean becoming passive, sitting back waiting for the universe to manifest a lottery win while we knit egg cosies and drink wine. We still take action. We still make decisions. We still show up fully. But we do it from a place that feels more aligned, more spacious and more in flow. And often, people around us notice and say lovely things like, “You’re amazing. How do you stay so calm?”

After practising the art of living in Through Me for long enough now, despite everything that’s been happening recently, I don’t feel overwhelmed. Busy? Yes. Sad at times? Absolutely. Concerned about people I love? Of course. But underneath all of that, there is a quiet trust that life is unfolding exactly as it needs to. That all experiences, even the difficult ones, are bringing a gift with them. 

Maybe the question isn’t, “How can I cope with all this?”

Maybe the better question is, “What would happen if I stopped being so attached to the need for control?”

Making It Intentional

Making It Intentional

This week, notice how often you use phrases like:

"It's up to me."
"I'd better do it myself."
"If I don't sort it, nobody will."

Don't try to change anything yet. Just notice.

And when you catch yourself thinking one of those thoughts, pause and ask:

Is this really mine to carry?

You might be surprised by the answer.

Get In Touch

If this resonated, I’d genuinely love to hear from you. Where in your life have you noticed yourself carrying something that may not really be yours to carry? Hit reply and let me know — I read every response personally.