Learn To Handle The Rapids When The River Is Calm

Last weekend I dusted off my bucket hat, packed a ton of sunscreen and paracetamol, and headed off to my first of three festivals this summer.

The 10-hour train journey from one end of the country to another was full of excited anticipation and a little bit of trepidation. I was heading towards an event heralded as a 16-year-old rite of passage. Far from 16, and the only rite I was anticipating was possibly the last one, I spent the journey sizing up other passengers and playing the game of spot the festival goer.

I’m sure if others were playing the same game, I would not have been identified as a likely candidate.

Not knowing quite what to expect from the attendees, or of myself, I was abolutely up for embracing whatever I encountered. You only get one go at this thing we call life, right? So enjoy the ride. And I did. More than I expected. There is something magical about being around music and joy and postivie energy that can’t help but uplift my soul. I was happily flowing down the carefree, beautiful river of life...

Until I wasn't.

Day two, and a very sudden health scare took me out of the joyful festival environment and into the very different energy of a night spent in accident and emergency, where the vibrations of pain and fear were suddenly the new abundance. It was such a stark contrast, and one that caused me to reflect on the bends in the river of life: those unexpected events that can send us hurtling in a direction we absolutely did not see coming and into the rapids.

I witnessed fear in its rawest form that night, and the effect it has on those who are not prepared. I also had the opportunity to witness what happens when you have spent years learning how not to let fear take the oars. You don’t learn emotional mastery in A&E at 2 a.m. when you’re alone, frightened, and waiting for somebody to tell you whether there’s something seriously wrong with your heart.

That’s when you discover whether you’ve already learned it well enough or not.

Were it not for the huge amount of inner work I have done in the last couple of years, I would have dealt far less well with the situation I found myself in. Instead, I was able to draw upon the tools I had invested in putting into my toolkit. I could feel the fear without allowing it to consume me. I could remain relatively balanced, calm and optimistic while acknowledging that, to be honest, on the face of it, things weren’t looking particularly peachy. I couldn’t control what the tests were going to show but I could influence the way I experienced those hours of uncertainty.

And that made all the difference.

It would have been very easy to succumb to the fear of being completely alone, hundreds of miles from home, waiting to discover my fate. With a strong family history of premature death and catastrophic heart-related challenges, I had to consciously work at not disappearing down that particular rabbit hole. By the time the sun came up, I was in the clear and heading back — if not directly to the festival, at least to the sanctuary of a room with a bed for some much-needed rest and recovery. By the evening, I was back in the thick of it; grateful, relieved and even more appreciative of the life I have.

Life is full of bends in the river. They cannot be avoided. Sometimes the water is calm. Sometimes we hit rapids we never saw coming. We can't control external events that occur but we do have some choice over how we meet them. We can fight and struggle with the current, desperately demanding that life should not be doing what it is doing. Or we can learn how to steady ourselves, respond to what is actually happening and trust ourselves to navigate what comes next. Whichever we choose, the river is going to keep flowing. The difference is in how we experience the journey.

Some people go to the gym religiously to build the body they desire. I go to a different kind of gym to build the mind I desire. I didn’t just wake up one day and miraculously become the person who believes she lives in a friendly universe. I worked at it. I continue to work at it, taking every bend in the river as another opportunity to practise my craft. 

I am very grateful I started when I did. Because when the bends in the river come — and they will — I want to be able to navigate them without losing myself in the process. The problem is that so many of us wait until we are already in the rapids before deciding we need to learn how to swim. We put things off. We say we’ll get round to it. We tell ourselves all sorts of stories that make us feel better about not doing the thing we know we need to do that will make the difference.

I did that too.

For years, I outsourced my happiness to whatever happened to be going on around me. If things were going well, I was happy. If they weren’t, I wasn’t. Two years ago, I decided I was done with that. Life is far too unpredictable to rely on favourable circumstances as an effective strategy for feeling happy and fulfilled. There will always be another bend in the river. A relationship changes. A job disappears. Someone gets ill. Money becomes tight. A plan falls apart. Somebody lets you down. Something happens that you simply did not see coming. That is the game of life.

Learn to handle the rapids while the river is calm. Don’t wait until you’re already being thrown around by the current, swallowing water and smashing into the rocks, and then curse the river for being a river.

Back in the vibrancy of the festival crowd that evening, everything seemed even more alive. The colours were brighter. The sound was clearer. The music somehow even more uplifting. The laughter even more infectious. Do I wish I’d learned the techniques of emotional mastery decades ago? Absolutely. I would have handled some of the most difficult and challenging bends in my own river of life with far less collateral damage if I had.

It’s easy to join the dots looking backwards, as a wise man once said. Today's actions will shape your tomorrow.  Another wise soul said, "The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is now." So if you’re sitting on the fence wondering whether it’s really worth doing the work to experience your life with more joy, balance, courage and resilience, get off it.

Because the only thing anyone ever got from sitting on the fence was splinters in their arse.

Making It Intentional

This week, set the intention to do one thing that scares you. Then do it.

I'm not suggesting you head off to climb Mount Everest without putting in the training. That would just be irresponsible. 

It might be making a phonecall you have been putting off, having a conversation you have been avoiding, starting a job you have been ignoring. Then simply notice what happens. I bet the scary ghost ends up just being a little kid with a couple of broomsticks under a sheet.

Go on - do it. Plant that bloody tree! I'd love to hear about what you plan to do.  Email me: paula@paulasmithcoaching.com

Your Next Step

If you want to develop a level of emotional mastery that will allow you to handle the bends in your river with greater ease, The Breakthrough Sessions are designed for exactly that. I've taken everything I have learned on my own journey, the wisdom and the practial tools I have gained, and infused them into the unique level of support I now offer my clients. As one said recently, "I have stopped surviving my life and started living it. I now lead my life instead of allowing life to lead me."

Whether you are dealing with a big change that you didn't see coming, or whether you have simply lost sight of who you are and where you are going, The Breakthrough Sessions will help you develop the skills you need to navigate the rapids with confident expertise.

If you lead a team or an organisation and would like to discuss how my approach can help you build resilient leadership, influence positive workplace culture and improve people-led outcomes, book a leadership discovery call here.  You can't read the label from the inside of the tin and sometimes an external, reflective conversation can help you unlock the solutions that are already within.