Have You Made Room For The New You?

Picture this. Me standing in my bedroom, staring despondently at my wardrobe, trying to find inspiration from the decades of clothes crammed in so tightly I can't even slide the hangers any more.

It’s not only the change of season that I’m contending with. I have a photo shoot coming up. Having been terrified of visibility for such a long time, to the point of total resistance, I'm now really excited about it. I found somebody I trust and I can't wait to see what she does with the little girl who always hid at the back of photos.

But back to my wardrobe.

I haven't got anything to wear. That old chestnut. Time for a shopping spree.

Now, most of us love the feeling of buying something new, whether we've spotted something in a shop window and just have to have it, or we've been browsing for ages, ordering six versions of pretty much the same thing, knowing five of them are going back. 

The point is, it feels great when we put something on and think, Yes, this is me.

Then we go to put it in a wardrobe that's full of old stuff. The rails are crammed with clothes that we haven't worn for years, decades in some cases. Things that don't fit anymore. Things we don't even like anymore but cost too much to throw away. Things we're keeping (and this is my own personal favourite), thinking, Oh, I might wear that again one day, secretly knowing that you never will. You'll put it on, look in the mirror and then take it off again.

So that lovely new thing that we've bought, we try and squeeze it in but it gets mixed up with all the stuff that we no longer love, want or need. There's literally nowhere to put the new thing without it getting squished, creased or lost amongst everything else. 

Now here’s the bit you’re not going to like. We do exactly the same thing with our lives.

We say we want something different. More freedom, more confidence, more money, more purpose, more time, a different career, a different relationship, a life that actually feels like it fits the person we are now. We can spend a lot of time thinking about what we need to add, but we rarely ask the much harder question: What am I prepared to let go of to make room for this version of me?

That's where it gets tricky and that's where a lot of people stay stuck.

Because just like those clothes taking up space in the wardrobe, the things we're holding onto aren't necessarily bad. They're familiar. They're comfortable. They feel safe. It's not about choosing between something bad and something better. Sometimes we're choosing between something familiar, safe and quite frankly functional, and something that fits who we are becoming.

I know this firsthand.

Creating the life I have now wasn't just a matter of deciding what I wanted and going after it. (Although in some ways it was quite as simple as that in the end.) It took time for me to be ready to let go of certainty, status, familiarity, an identity I'd spent decades building. For a long time, the security of knowing what came next was far more seductive than the fear of uncertainty. When we understand that our brains prioritise safety and familiarity, it makes sense that we hesitate over the decisions and actions that threaten both.

I'm giving a presentation this week in my local business community about procrastination, and I've realised the wardrobe metaphor works perfectly. Procrastination isn't really about putting something off because we can't be bothered, we're disorganised or we don't have enough time. Sometimes we procrastinate because moving towards what we want means moving away from something we already have that we are struggling to let go of. 

Even when we know the new thing will fit us better, taking the old thing off the rail can feel surprisingly difficult. We want the new life, but we also want to keep all the things that make the old life feel safe. And sometimes we simply can't have both.

I spent a long time wanting a different life while trying to preserve the certainty of the one I had. It was exhausting. When the desire became stronger than my need for certainty, I knew I was ready. Ready to make room on the rail. I've never looked back and I've never missed that rah-rah skirt I was preserving for posterity.

Full disclosure: occasionally, I still slip back into the metaphorical baggy old sweater because it's familiar and comfortable. But I prefer my new wardrobe so much more.

Making It Intentional

So this week, rather than asking yourself what you need to add, achieve or do next, have a look at what's already taking up too much space.

What are you holding onto because it's still right for you?

And what are you holding onto simply because it's familiar?

Your Next Step

If you keep saying you want something new, but there's no room for it in your life, perhaps the next step isn't adding anything at all.

If you are standing at a crossroads in your life, perhaps the question isn't only what you want next. Perhaps the first question is: What are you willing to take off the rail to make room for it?