Have you ever noticed how good we are, as human beings, at telling stories?

We do it all the time. We take events and embellish them with our own meaning, assumptions and interpretations. This week I caught myself telling myself a very elaborate story.

Spending time with family, I noticed I felt slightly off and I couldn't quite put my finger on it. A little pattern-recognition work later (sometimes it really is like being a detective), I realised I’d subconsciously slipped back into people-pleasing and approval-seeking. What was scary was how automatically it happened because of the environment I was in. And for a while, it turned what should have been an uplifting, enjoyable time into an experience where I felt unseen and slightly insignificant.

Which got me thinking: we don’t just experience events. We experience them through the meaning we attach to them. Something as simple as getting into a taxi and being told, as an adult, that I had to sit in the middle in the back immediately transported me back to growing up as the youngest in the family.  A simple innocent comment (albeit a fairly bossy one!) triggered the story that 'this was always my place: bottom of the pecking order.' Interesting, isn’t it? My experience had very little to do with the event itself and everything to do with the meaning my mind attached to it.

So why is it we almost always default to the painful version of the story?

You send someone a text and they don't reply for days becomes 'I must have upset them'.

You find out friends went for coffee and you weren’t invited becomes, 'They don't like me'.

But the same events can have completely different interpretations. Maybe they’re overwhelmed. Maybe they’re busy. Maybe they're planning a surprise birthday party for you. Same event. Completely different experience.

When this happens, we're not always reacting to life as it actually is. Often we're reacting to old stories, fears and patterns we've picked up along the way.  And it makes me wonder how often we think we're responding to reality, when actually we're responding to the meaning we've given an event. We ould be completely wide of the mark but already the fear has spoiled our experience in the moment.

It reminds me of a line from Life of Pi that has always stayed with me: "Which story do you prefer? Which is the better story?" Perhaps that’s the real question. Not whether our first interpretation is true, but whether it’s helpful, whether it’s serving us, whether it’s creating the experience of life we actually want.

Sometimes we don’t need a different life. We need a different story.

Making It Intentional

Notice one moment this week where you instantly attach meaning to an event: something someone says (or doesn't say),  a cancelled plan, a delayed response.

Before running with your first interpretation, pause and ask:

Is this fact… or is this a story I’m telling myself?

And perhaps most importantly:

Which story do I prefer? Which is the better story?

If this resonated, I’d genuinely love to hear what stories you’ve caught yourself telling this week. I read every reply personally. And if there’s a topic you’d love me to explore, let me know. Your ideas often inspire future newsletters and content.